The View Tackles Asking Children About Their Sexuality
The girls use Adam Lambert’s coming out in Rolling Stone as a springboard to discuss whether parents should ask their children about their sexuality if they suspect their son or daughter might be gay.
The conversation goes into strange territory when they start talking about playing with boys toys or girls toys, and strangely Sherri and Elisabeth seem to be on the right side of the argument while Joy has me scratching my head. Assuming that a child is gay or lesbian simply because they’re playing gender atypical toys is ridiculous. Especially since that would be more aligned with gender identity than sexual orientation.
Personally, as a gay man, I think it goes further than whether or not the parent should ask… it depends greatly on the home environment is on “gay” topics. For example… I was raised in a conservative Christian home, where I was “taught” that homosexuality was an abomination, and that homo’s went to Hell. Being asked by my parents would have gotten an out-and-out lie in my teen years. There is too much fear of rejection and abandonment in that situation.
If a kid grows up in a home where homosexuality is looked down upon, the mere prospect of having that kind of discussion would/could be very traumatic.
In my opinion… have an environment where you child is COMFORTABLE in what ever sexuality they may exibit, and then let them come oout in their own time.
Peace
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Usually I agree with Joy on 99% of what she says. Circumcision she’s for but I’m 100% against. It should be illegal! Of course Joy’s married to a jew.
Okay this topic. I would never ask! I hate when people use to ask others. It’s gossipy. Joy’s completely comfortable with gay as I am. I don’t understand why anyone in North America and Europe wouldn’t be out. Unless your Mormon, hutterite/amish, or married. I’ve dated all..
Don’t ask. Some of us like our personal life personal.
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theotherlee has a very good point. The context in which a question is asked makes all the difference in the world. Lambert stated on “20/20″ that his mother asked, “Do you have a girlfriend?” “Do you want a girlfriend?” “Do you want a boyfriend?” She didn’t ask bluntly, “Are you gay?” She handled it with a little more finesse and clearly he was being raised in a household where discussing such things was a safe topic. The question should parents have uncomfortable conversations with their children about complex and troubling topics, and the answer to THAT question is a resounding YES. It’s their job. Unfortunately, too many parents shy away from doing their job because it’s hard and unpleasant and their kids might not like them or they might look foolish. Well, guess what, Mom and Dad, if you don’t discuss it, Junior and Joanne are going to find someone else to talk to eventually, leaving you in the dust forever. And you will have failed them once again, when all you had to do was sit down and listen, putting your agenda aside.
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I agree with theotherlee… it depends on the context of your home environment. The larger point to be made is that if parents express their love and acceptance of their child no matter what, if their child is gay or lesbian they will come out to their parents in their own time. I don’t think it is an issue that should be forced on a child just because a parent has suspicions about their orientation. I didn’t come out until I was in my 30’s because I too was raised in a conservative Christian home and was taught that homosexuality is a perversion. I did come out to my parents and although they were very clear that they still believed it was wrong, they made it clear that no matter what, I would always be their son and they would always love. That, Letart, is why many young people in the Europe and North America stay in the closet. While societal views in general have become more accepting, many families remain vehemently oppossed and they are afraid of be cut off from their families, thrown out of the home or physically abused. Yes, those things do still happen even in 2009.
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Sorry, Letart, I misread the previous posting and thought is was you who said you don’t know why anyone in Europe or North America wouldn’t be completely out. That should have been addressed to Anita.
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Normally I hate Elisabeth. In this case, I think she is right on. Mostly.
I wish the question would not be “son………………….are you gay………….?”
I wish people would just discuss children’s affections from a neutral state.
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wow…more than often i agree with Joy, but this time, i HELLA DO NOT.
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i think Whoppi said it best: “adults have to deal with how they feel about gay people first”
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